Who is raising who

How to become a world class parent!

2012-08-24
by Patric Brask
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Its really pouring down, its perfect.

Does the earth turn.

Going to work on my bike and it starts to rain, stop and put on my new waterproof trousers from Fjallraven (I’m so pleased with them).

Coming to work and is ready to receive all of my students. Some are early and sit inside and play.
The students I meet in the door, I ask, of course, to put on rain gear directly, and they try (as students do) not have to put on raingear to go out, by claiming “but why are the OTHERS inside?

With a large portion of patience I reply, “because I have just arrived and they will soon learn that I am here and that we are on the way out.”

Then we are all on the way out, to my great delight.

Always exciting to see how many students who have real rain gear, even though it is an “In & Out Burst ‘school (I Ur och Skur in Swedish), where we are as a rule outside as part of our pedagogy, there are some who lack proper clothing.
It was a perfect opportunity to see and let children try their rainwear, namely, we will camp next week and then I want ALL students have proper clothing.

Bad clothes = bad experiences.

As before, it is the dressing that students find difficult, once they are put on and come out, it’s fun again.

There are parents who find it hard to get wet, children usually have no problem with wet himself.
It’s just fun to play with the water.

First break

I am impressed by my students, at the first break all saw that there is still pouring down rain and there was no doubt about to dodge rain gear.
It took less than 10 minutes for 35 students to put on and get out.

Must be a world record.

Then we enjoyed all of the rain. I got more to do when we all went in, to hang in the dryer and remind them to take off his boots on the “black carpet” and so on. But it’s worth it, new routines are soon as they should.

So be sure children have proper clothing, then their outdoorlife will be more fun for them and for you.

See you in the rain.

/ Patric

heart in tomato

2012-07-27
by Patric Brask
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Love is everywhere, you just need to HOW to look!

I often tell parents attending my classes that we create filter that we “place” in front of our eyes, and it is through these filters that we see the world.

heart in tomato

heart in tomato

These filters affect the way we look at things, and it affects our next step.

My son does not like tomatoes, he puts them aside. He can eat tomatoes in pots or on pizza, and he’s surprisingly restrained with ketchup (!).

Now it got even funnier when he was turning and twisting in his tomato on plate, cut off some pieces and did his best to eat the tomato. Because his father has told him that it’s so good with vegetables.

Well, as  he’s sitting there carving, he starts laughing and says “Look dad, a heart!”

He turns on the plate, so that I easily be able to see how he sees it.
Absolutely wonderful.

To me it becomes even more obvious how much love he sees in his life, my own heart got all warm and soft.
If he had had another motive here, he would easily be able to get through those proposals at any time … or almost anyway.

It was not easier to eat tomatoes, but it became clear much more fun. He also inspired us around the table to be thankful for having food on the table.
We need help to see through our filters and sometimes our children are superior to us, as they not have been trained as hard as we adults have, in using our filters.

Thank goodness.

Have a continued wonderful summer break.

Patric

2012-07-15
by Patric Brask
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Great-grandmother has passed away

One of the few times when people allow themselves to feel a different feeling than joy or anger, is when a member of the family has passed away.

Pain is also feeling, but a kind of feeling that most people can understand and relate to. However, it is usually a transient pain and can be relieved in several ways.

When a great-grandmother passes away, it is something else, life stops for a moment and your focus on life takes on another meaning.
The world is becoming both smaller and bigger at the same time, less because you just see all the images and memories that have the great-grandmother to do.
And bigger because of you getting a deeper contact with your emotional life, the deeper the contact is a valuable aid in the life that lies ahead.

No matter how well prepared I have been, there is still a deep longing. A longing only time can heal.

How can I teach my children how to deal with a similar pain?

I think it is quite impossible to teach another person how to deal with this kind of pain. By experience it yourself, you can increase your understanding, and thus become a support for your children.
They will be able to see that you get sad, that you’re more introverted than before. That you are perceived as more absent-minded, you will prioritize differently. They may see you will be sad when you think no one sees.

For children this is easy to accept and learned, if you tell them why you’re sorry because the great-grandmother has passed away. The children see that it’s okay to be sad, they see that it is ok to be absent-minded, wanting to be alone for a while.
They will certainly provide their care and support.
Let them be involved in the process.
When you take the time to grieve and process your loss, children learn how to do.
If you try to hide or “sweep under the carpet” children learn how to stop feeling and that is deadly.

I know it is sometimes difficult, we rarely get a lot of training and may have no experience at all.

The most important thing is to let children know why you’re sad.

It will be fine. Trust me, it will be fine.

/ Patric

One of the few times when people allow themselves to feel a different feeling than joy or anger.

Pain is ioch happening a sense, but still a kind of feeling that more people can understand and relate to. However, it is usually a transient pain and can be relieved in several ways.

When a great-grandmother passes away, it is something else, life stops for a moment and focus on the concept takes on another meaning.
The world is becoming both smaller and bigger at the same time, less because you just see all the images and memories that have the great-grandmother to do.
And more of you getting a deeper contact with your emotional life, the deeper the contact is a valuable aid in the life that lies ahead.

No matter how well prepared I have been, there is still a deep longing. A missing that only time can heal.

How can I teach my children how to deal with a similar pain?

I think it is quite impossible to teach another person how to deal with the pain. By experience it yourself can increase your understanding, and thus you can become a support for your children.
They will be able to see that you get sad, you’re more introverted than before. That you are perceived as more absent-minded, you will prioritize differently. That you will be sad when you think no one sees.

Children this easy to accept and learn if you tell me you’re sorry for the great-grandmother has passed away. The children see that it’s okay to be sad, they see that it is ok to be absent-minded, having to be alone for a while. They will certainly provide their care and support. Let them be involved in the process.
When you take the time to grieve and process your loss, children learn how to do.
If you try to hide or “sweep under the carpet” children learn how to stop feeling for.

I know it is sometimes difficult, we rarely work out and may have no experience at all.

The most important thing is to let children know why you’re sorry.

It will be fine. Trust me, it will be fine.

/ Patric

DVDS standing on a shelf

2012-06-29
by Patric Brask
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An anusual way to organize DVDs

How to organize ones DVDs are different.

DVDS standing on a shelf

DVD-skivor i hylla

I work extra on accommodation for people with Aspberger. It is work which in many cases provide insight into how different thinking we have and what is interesting for every individual.

Most recently when I was there, I was asked how one can organize DVD movies on a shelf. I immediately started thinking of several wasy to how you can organize your movies. And I must admit that many of them were of the classic kind. Ie arrange the titles in alphabetical order, or after the actor involved in the movies.
But before I gave my suggestions, I asked how they were arranged now, because I could see that there was an order. For example I could see all James Bond 007 movies where standing next to each other.

He replied “On the simplest way, they are arranged according to who published them”.

That answer was a lot better thanany of my suggestions. He knows who published the movies and he is surtain of this. I think his way was so much better than anyone of my ideas.
After this encounter I have received several suggestions on how people organize their movies, including those from children who have the most original ideas and shows how we seek to find ways to arrange things.

One suggestion is by color, you look at the colors on the spine of the DVDs and make DVDs with similar colors stand next to each other, or organize your own categories as “scary, not scary, funny, comic, funny comics, bad comics and so on.”

If you are looking closely at the picture you can see that I have no order at all on my DVDs, but I just set them on the shelf. It may be because I rarely watch movies. I guess my kids have a better idea of all the movies than I have.

Have a lovely day and good luck with the organization. 🙂

/ Patric

2012-06-22
by Patric Brask
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8000 murder before age 13

Summer is here and with that comes a lot of children being alone while parents work.
It is part of our everyday life and as it looks now.

Came across a number that made me puzzled, an average 13-year-old has seen about 8,000 murders in his/hers lifetime. At first I thought it was a mistake, but then I started to count.
It was never told the type of murder or whether it was television only. So once I begun conting I figured out that there may well be confined to the TV, otherwise I would have thought video games as well. Especially after what my students tell what happens in the games they play, and many of them play games that play have  age limit 15 or 18. I always tell when the chance is given, that there is a purpouse of the age limit and that it is designed to be held. Soon enough, your are old enough to become adult, but there’s no rush.

Well now, off  to my own calculation.

Count backwards

If we assume the figure of 8000 and divide it by 7 (I pulled off the first few years), we get about 1143 murders a year. Take this number of 1143 and divide by 365, and we get more than three murders a day. If we take in account the figures showing our average time watching TV, it is 3 hours / day (DN 15 June).
In my calculation, it is easy to see how easily a child coming up in three murders per day. Especially if I add many of the popular programs on TV, such Vampaire Diarys, CSI NY, where there may be more murders per series.

It’s far too easy for our children to see the murder even at a young age. We can help each other to lower the average.

My point is that we adults need to even greater extent, limit the type of television our children watch, or be there when the programs are broadcast (worse alternative) to explain what happens to the child. Mostly to help the child tell the difference between reality and fiction.

I suggest you bring a ball and go outside and play with your kids instead, or do crafts with paper, kids will appreciate you a lot.

Have a lovely mid-summer and remember, song first, then snaps.

/ Patric

2012-04-26
by Patric Brask
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Who is at fault the glass broke?

I am stand in my classroom and hear that it’s a lot of noise in the hall, high excited voices and screams. Of course I go there to see how I can help.

When I get there it’s a crack in the glass that sits in the door and students’ faces look confused.

My obvious question is “How did this happen?”
A student looks at me and say it was a little boy in second grade who kicked at the door.
Me: “Do you know how it is that he kicked?”
Student: “Yes, he wanted out!”
Me: “What prevented him to come out?”
Student: “The door was shut.”
Me: “In what way was the door closed?”
Student: “I was holding it.”
Me: “And then …”
Student: “Then he kicked at the door.”
Me: “So that the glass was broken?”
Student: “Yes.” Me: “Is not it you responsible for the glass was broken!”
Student: “No, he had not had to kick on the glass!”
Me: “If the door had been opened, he never had the need to kick the dorr and he could walk straight out.”
Student: “It was his fault that the glass broke, I was just holding the door!”

This is a pretty common exchange of words between student and teacher in the school, students are often unable to see their own part in events. They find it so easy to find an excuse or explanation for why they themselves are entirely without responsibility, it is surprising, in my opinion that it is others who have any responsibility at all times.

Much of my time is spent resolving such conflicts, it feels as if the students have too little emotional stimulation and thus seeks out situations like this.
I want more support from parents, to talk about behavior at home, how responsibility is distributed, how a good friend behaves etc.

I suspect the traditional form of spending time together have been reduced so much that parents risk losing touch with their children.

Talk more with your children about everything and nothing.

/ Patric

2012-01-20
by Patric Brask
0 comments

She decided to make lasagna.

In my quest to prepare my children for the future, I give them the opportunity to train in a relaxed setting, I have Aaricias lasagnaintroduced a lot of household chores they’re supposed to do. Of all they will need to know how to do when they move to their own home.

One of them is when they have reached the age of thirteen years, they are responsibility to cook a dinner once a week. They are free to choose what they want to cook, and what day they want to cook it on.
They need to make sure all ingredients are at home, I will help them buy any groceries, of course, if necessary.

I ask the question at the beginning of the week, so they have plenty of time to decide what day and what dish to make. Now it sounds like maybe I have several children, and I have. Although only one of them has the “right” age. That’s my daughter.

This time she decided to cook lasagna on Sunday.
Lasagna is pretty tricky to do, it includes several elements. The best thing with cooking is, she is that she learns so much new things she could never guess. One of these lessons is that it takes time, lots of time and that it is necessary to start on time.
According to the recipe, it would take about 90 minutes, including 45 minutes in the oven.

It took 3 hours!

She was a little worried that I and her brother became a bit grouchy because it took so long. I assured her that everything is fine.
Because during the whole “cooking” I am available, as support, as helper, as a person to ask for advice, as encouragement, as a control agent, as tasters (yummu) … in short I am there.
This is not a chore you casually hand over to a beginner, but must be gradual as everything else.

let me add…. the result was worth the wait.

I wish you good luck with your “new” dinners.
/ Patric

2012-01-06
by Patric Brask
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Hi Patric… …I hate you!

This was one of those times when I reacted differently from the other adults in the room who heard the same thing.
This little boy is always happy to see me, happy and cheer every time.
Then he asks when I will come and work in his class again.

New school

When I replied that I would stop at the school and start at another school.
He changed immediately, and his smile disappeared. Instead he raised his voice and almost screamed “I hate you!”

Other adults who stood by and smiled at his past behavior, began to chide his outburst. And the only thing he could do was to back away.

I on the other hand, smiled, and said that it is ok to be upset and maybe sad when he got the news I am changing school. You are aloud to be sad.
When I told him what I saw, and guessed what he really felt, so he was a little more relieved.
For he replied namely by saying, “I think it’s sad that you must change school.”

Different expressions for different emotions

A little boy may have difficulty expressing themselves and can easily go on the defensive, it is understandable. I think it’s up to adults to try to see behind the words, to see what the child tries to express.
I went on to explain to the boy that it is possible to say the same things in different ways. Now I understood that you were most sad and perhaps disappointed that I would stop. Furthermore, did you find out the here and now, it was a surprise to you. And then I realize that you responded in this way.

I kept my calm and my smile.
Because he needs to know what he can do and how he can do next time, when expressing his feelings. It is all too often as adults correct children without explaining the options.

When the opportunity comes up as it did here, take it and use it for the best.
This boy got to know that it was ok to express himself, he could also see how people react to the way he expressed himself. And finally, he received options.

I think it was a wonderful short story. Once again I had to opportunity to help a child using my patient and my training in sorting what I hear and what I see.
The more often we take advantage of these occasions, the easier we can help our children express themselves as the best they know it.
And know that it is ok.

Good luck with your sorting.

Patric

ps happy new year, what is your New Year’s resolutions. Please tell me, especially if they have a bond to parenthood.

2011-12-30
by Patric Brask
0 comments

To feel important, competent and cared for = cooperation

These three emotions are particularly important for cooperation between people, ie parents and children, to become as good as possible.
As a parent it is your job to create the ways you can, to ensure that your / your child feel important, that they feel competent and cared for.
It is so important that you make sure to create this in children, because it is a cornerstone in building self-esteem.

This in turn will provide an inner strength of your children that will help them choose the things they enjoy doing. Which in turn leads to the impact on their peers to do the same.
It will be a positive spiral.

Responsibility

As a parent it is a big responsibility, I know, and we might as well make the best we can, now.
The impact you make as a parent takes place at both behavioral and emotional level.

To do something together is related to the feeling of being important, it matters less WHAT you do together as long as you are doing SOMETHING.

Allowing children to be involved in things that they may exercise some control is related to the feeling of being competent. For example, if you must shop, go to the bank and go to the post office. Can you let the child decide the order in which you are making all the erands.

Talking to the kids and let them vent what is important for them, teaching them to open up and it related to the feeling of being cared for.
You show that you care and love the child no matter what they do, that there is a difference between the child as a person and what they do.

A lifelong “job”.

This is a work in progress we get started and then maintain, there’s always more to learn. The “work” you engage will present challenges, it leads to improvements through the experiences that you make along the way.

It’s your picture of reality being trimmed, your version is certainly different from how your child sees the same reality. Keep that in mind and practice to distinguish between what you see, what you think and what you feel. By practicing these three different “techniques” you increase your ability to understand what is really happening and what’s all about your thought patterns.

This will allow you to better support your children and guide them through all sorts of trouble.

You will be a wonderful parent.

I wish you a very happy and a wonderful New Year.

/ Patric

2011-12-16
by Patric Brask
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Real fire

We had our last meeting with our scouts. It was pitch black and everyone was dressed to be outdoors, they have learned that this is indeed how we do this.

We quickly gathered the youngest who have never been on event like this before, and they must have their own torch. It’s the big thing with the scout finishing, everyone gets a torch, which burns for real.
It is always great for a child (and big kids of about 41 years …) to get their own torch, especially when it’s the first time.

Safety rules are important, even more now that there are so many that have their down jackets on. Or even worse, fleece jackets.

After the briefing we all went to opposite starting point, the idea is that all the groups come from different directions and meet at the same time at the scout hut.
I went with the youngest (cubscout) and we kept perfect time, we arrived just as we should.
And helped the older group (scouts) to know how they would go in the ring so that it was a great big ring with lots of torches.
Those who were last, the oldest group (explorers/network). I wonder if I could use the excuse that they are teenagers or that it was simply poor planning by their leaders…
I am satisfied with saying that they were in place at the right time.

To top the evening, all threw down their torches in a barrel, which lit a spectacular sight when the fire was going properly.
When our President Benny had held his annual speech, it was buns, gingerbread and lemonade for all. I was happy and enjoyed the full features of having been a part of this scoutcorps and rejoice with the younger Scouts.

It has been a wonderful scouting year.

See you soon all the scouts.

/ Patric