I had a difficult time finding the correct translation, so I try to translate as close as I can for you to understand what I am going for.
”Well drilled” children have been trained how to behave in certain situations. Well-behaved children are encouraged to behave to always behave in a good manner.
Both methods work well for parents. But for the children, the difference is greater. The main difference is that ”well drilled” children often present physical signs of stress. Common signs are difficulty concentrating, fast pace (the child is never still), constantly having a small cold, often fever, upset stomach, ”stay” in diapers longer, hard to keep the blader at night.
The start of this type of raising is the result of our society judge us on how well we are doing by looking at our children and this creates an increasing pressure on both parents and especially children. Our high speed tempo limit our play time with the kids. The parents want so much to give their children everything that they themselves never had. A wonderful thought I think, but a bad one if it makes us feel stressed.
This is where you as a parent stop and think for a bit. What was it that you lacked as a child?
I often see that it is time with a parent that is missing most. Parents raise their children in the same way they themselves have been brought up, and if your parents gave time for you, you treat your children the same. Consider what you miss from your childhood.
Missing having every night booked with various activities, missing time with your parents, did you have time to be a child, did you recieve support and encouragement from your parents, did you know someone who cared about you, and so on.
What I see most in the children is the lack of the feeling that someone cares.
The relationship you create with your children makes a difference in their inner lives, and that affect their self-esteem.
Parents want their children to succeed and feel good, give them that chance. I believe that children should get to try different things so that they understand that they can choose. Also for them to find the activity that they think is funny. But not that they should select everything, because they believe that the parents want it after they get to try lots of activities. Teach your child to hold on to his/her dream.
One parent I met one day reported his children’s after school schedule for me. They had an activity every evening. Even on weekends, and then it was often a show or game. The parent was very proud, they were good kids who made all this.
I asked the parent straight out: ”When will your kids just be kids and be able to just play?”.
The parent replied, ”They choose to do it all”.
I replied that I also believe that they are doing it all, but what choice do they have?.
Are they to choose to dance or to go to scouts, or do they also choose to stay home and play with their peers?
The parent had missed this type on choice, but took the idea to heart.
The next time we talked, the schedule was different, the kids had the choice to stay home and play. ´They had actually chosen to stay home two nights per week. There were now ”free” evenings and weekends. In fact, when given the choice, the children choose to stay home a little more. I can say that this family stress less now than before, a little bonus.
Ask yourself this question ”What are you looking for, do you want children will be able to think for themselves or will be good at taking orders?”
I think it is important that children learn to think for themselves, rather than they ought to learn a lot of information. There is clearly more work for me in this approach, when the children ask and I must answer. But it is worthwhile to see how they grow when they learn that they can question what happens.
It also makes it harder for me to just tell kids to do things ”just because I have always done so.” The children are beginning to see their own value and can make demands on their environment, and that means that I can make demands on them.
And it is now that the fun begins. Personally I believe in spending time with children, so they can see how I do. When children get time to see how I do it will be easier to see what behavior I want. If there is more time, we become less stiff and the child sees how we act and start behaving like us.
It has a lot to do with time and to take time when children are young. That is when you have the best chance to show the kids how you want them to behave. They can look at you and see how you’re doing (which they do normally, but now you can show them active). Children do as you do not like you say, use it. Give them choices and encouragement, often. It is easier to give children time and encouragement rather than having to impersonate a Gestapo. Carry out your own dreams and let the kids get to have their own dreams.
Spend more time with the kids so that you learn what you need to teach them.
Keep your dreams and let your children grow their own. Help them as much as you can to implement those dreams.
Ask yourself what you are looking for. Should children learn to think for themselves or obey orders.
Give them responsibility for different tasks, tailored to their age.
Feed the baby with encouragement and support, it gives the child security and a good self-esteem.
Make sure you pay attention to your child’s physical stress signals and act accordingly.